Here Come the Drugs

The arrival of the meds is such a weird moment in the first IVF process. There's so much anticipation...this is really starting. It's exciting, it's nerve-wracking, it's a small fortune of liquids, needles and pills...and it's our best chance yet. If you've been on this journey for a while, you've no doubt seen the requisite picture of meds laid out on a table for all to see (see left). It's not a big surprise to us going through this, but it is entertaining to show the pictures to friends and family that have never dealt with infertility and have no clue what we're going through. There's an odd sense of satisfaction in seeing their shocked responses. "WOW! That's a lot of needles! Do you have to inject yourself???" To which we get to nod smugly and say yes, it is a lot of needles and yes, we have to do them ourselves. All the while we continue to nod and smirk as if it's nothing. Just another day.

I could not wait to get to my box of drugs. I tracked the shipment on the web, watching step by step as they arrived safely at my parent's house (no need to leave several thousand dollars of drugs on my unattended door step, and certainly no need for my nosy warehouse person at work to "accidentally" open my box before delivering it to my desk), and finally getting that email from my mom, "They're here, honey." Ooooh, I couldn't wait to see them. "Is it a biiiigggg box??" I asked. "Um, yeah, it's kind of big" (very nonchalant in her reply, I might add).

Now I'm worried. Oddly worried that my box of drugs isn't going to be as big as I thought, thus leaving less of an impact on all involved, including myself. For as much money as I just spent, I really needed that box to be impressive. What if my supply of drugs is unimpressive? Just a handful of vials and some syringes? It would be such a let down.

Annnd, it kind of was. It wasn't a huge box. The pharmacy was quite efficient in their use of space. It wasn't a small box, and obviously to the regular people out there it was a massive box for drugs, but for me, it was a little disappointing. Then I got it home and we took everything out, laid it all out on the table, and I felt a little better. There were more than enough needles there to make an impact on even the most jaded fertile.