Yesterday marked our first pregnancy trip to the Emergency Room. I say first because somehow I doubt it will be our last. Just a hunch.
Yesterday evening I experienced some very light pink spotting that threw me into a tizzy like you wouldn't believe. I know I'm neurotic with this pregnancy to begin with, but I don't spot. I'm simply not a spotter. The one and only time I've spotted was when I miscarried before. Needless to say, we both feared the worst (feared might be the wrong word.
Assumed the worst would be better). In addition to the scary spotting, I had killer back pain all day, my annoying ovary was hurting all day and the entire weekend I was worried because my few symptoms I had disappeared...just like last time.
Thankfully the ER wasn't that crowded and we got in right away. Last time we were at the ER (not pregnancy related) we were there for nearly 4 hours. I guess a threatened miscarriage is a higher priority than a bite from a stray cat. (In my defense, the advice nurse insisted I go to the ER for the cat bite...I was simply looking for her to say something like, "If you wake up and your foaming at the mouth,
then you should go to the ER", but instead she made it into a dire situation that needed to be attended to immediately. Did I understand?! Immediately! I will say the cat that bit me was vicious. Oh, I can hear Chris laughing....).
First Dr. Sympathy visited us in the exam room. We assumed he would be attending to me, since well, he was in scrubs that said Dr., and he was in our exam room. But alas, he wanted to talk. He had glanced at my chart and saw we had been dealing with infertiilty. He went on to say that he and his wife struggled with infertility, then suffered two 15-week losses back to back. We exchanged the requisite I'm sorrys.
"No, I'm sorry for your loss!" Because as pregnancy loss survivors, we all know how fucking rude it is to not say I'm sorry when someone tells you they suffered a miscarriage so we do have a tendency to over compensate. Then he somberly told us that we did understand that there wasn't much he could tell us that night as it's too early to tell if there is a heart beat or not....uh, what? We didn't just pay $100 to exchange stories, buddy. I told him we had already seen the heart beat twice so that shouldn't be a problem. Hell, I'd be happy to perform the ultrasound myself, just log me into the machine sitting next to me and you can go on your merry way! He was very nice and thankfully called an OB into the ER to do the exam.
At this point we already know the baby is gone. We just know it. Another fucking loss. In between Dr. Sympathy leaving and Dr. Doppler arriving, we start talking about quitting our jobs, living off our savings for a while...traveling or doing something, anything but trying to have a baby. Maybe open a bar and become fun-loving alcoholics. Maybe travel the world, except we'd have to bring our cat with us and that was going to pose some logistical problems.
Our pondering was stopped when Dr. Doppler arrived. She got right to the point and started trying to find the heart beat with the doppler. This was new territory for us...we've never had a doppler experience. Now, with an ultrasound, I can tell what is or isn't going on - I can read it myself just fine. But with the doppler, I had no idea what we were listening to. The "whoosh, whoosh" was loud and clear, but what the hell was it? Ah, the placenta. But, she finally found the heart beat! We heard Viver's heart beat loud and clear, it was 150bpm which she said was good. It was the most beautiful sound. We would have wanted to listen longer, but I of course started laughing out of shock and relief and the sound went away. Funny, no one even said nipple.
She said light spotting isn't uncommon and everything else seems fine so it wasn't a concern. I won't feel ok until we see Viver this week and make sure he's measuring on track and there's still a heart beat, but obviously we feel better than we did on our way to the ER. One thing is for sure...if we have a good appointment on Friday, I'm ordering a doppler.
