Rooster Hell

4:00 a.m. - a rooster crows several times and stops.

5:00 a.m. - a rooster crows again several times and eventually stops.

5:55 a.m. - a rooster starts crowing really loudly and incessantly and doesn't stop.

We are victims of a stray, wild rooster that has decided he really likes the area between our house and our neighbors (that is filled with bushes and trees) and this rooster crows all.day.long. We've come to terms with that after numerous attempts to make him leave, and a serious lack of help from animal control. But, the early morning roostering is new and unacceptable.

At just before 6 this morning, we were both wide awake and couldn't take it anymore. We couldn't figure out if he was in the front yard or the back yard but upon further inspection, it was clear he was much louder in the front yard. Chris went out to investigate. At 6 am. In boxers and a t-shirt and bare feet. He comes back in and informs me he must be out front.

"Did you spray him?" (We attempt to spray him with water by shooting it in the general direction of the noise. We can't exactly go into the neighbors yard so this is all we have.)

sigh. "No, I'll go back out there."

I get my robe and slippers on and join my husband in the rooster hunt. By the time I get out there, he's spraying water into the bushes. The rooster has stopped, maybe he got him and he'll shut up for a couple hours.

Suddenly, a bird flies out of the tree (in our front yard) that Chris is standing over. A big bird. A big ass, black and white bird. The fucking rooster was in our tree, watching Chris shoot water into the neighbors yard.

I didn't realize roosters could actually fly. I'm aware they have wings, but all I've seen is a little hop, nothing you would call flying.

In my defense, it didn't look like the rooster had much experience. It was almost as if he was sideways, didn't get a ton of air but did manage to land on the neighbors roof.

Chris is now laughing as I'm screaming, "It was in the tree! It was in the TREE!" I'm really hoping this doesn't end up on You Tube.

The pathetic thing is, it's not like it was hidden inside a massive redwood covered in branches and leaves. The tree he chose is a very Charlie Brown-ish tree, with just a couple bare branches and very few leaves. I don't know what kind of tree it is, but it's little and very much a "how-in-the-fuck-did-you-not-notice-a-big-ass-white-black-
and-red-rooster-in-the-tree" kind of tree.

It really was shocking to see it "fly" out of there, and given that I'm 22 weeks pregnant and bladder control isn't what it used to be, it's amazing I didn't have an accident.

So now it's on the roof. We can't get to it. I try, repeatedly, to get the water to spray onto their roof but it won't come close to reaching. I storm back into the house and head into the back yard to see if I can get it from there.

In the meantime, our poor cat is traumatized by the whole experience. He excitedly thought he was getting breakfast early but instead had to witness mom and dad both storming in and out of the house repeatedly. It was like he was trying to say, "Hey, canned chicken is just fine. You don't need to kill one fresh for me." (a shout out to Chris for that one, that was his line from early this morning during our rooster hunting frenzy. It was too funny to pass up.)

In the back yard, I still can't see it. But I can hear it. Not roostering, though...clucking. Like a chicken. Cluck, cluck, cluck...which shortly turned into laughter. I shit you not, it was laughing. Then I saw it, climbing to the very top of the neighbors roof. Waving the white flag, I went back inside.

He won. Again.

Things I've Learned on Bed Rest

(Latest update...no change! Still hanging in there.)

I'm not a bed rest kind of gal. I'm your typical Type A, and lemme tell you, Type A plus a baby on the way and not being able to do everything I'd like to get ready for that is a bad combo. But clearly there is no choice in the matter and I have to do this to try and keep her safe and sound, so that's what I'm doing. I'm lucky that I'm not on strict bed rest as in I can get up and move around some, take care of some things around the house here and there - as long as I spend the majority of the time laying down or reclining, and make sure I stay down if I start cramping and having contractions.

I have never not worked for a long period of time, and I've worked since I was 13 years old. I think the longest stretch was when I started college in a new city and it took a couple months to get a job...but at least I was in school full time. This is a huge adjustment for me. But I have learned a few things:

• We do not have the same mailman every day.
• The free local newspaper is only being delivered to people who pay for the other local newspaper, the free paper's competition. Since we don't pay for the other one, now we don't get the free one. And the guy delivering the free paper drives a Lexus.
• Roosters are stupid and will crow at any time during the day.
• Daytime television consists almost entirely of soap operas and shows about babies.
  
• Too much television will indeed rot your brain. Since being on bed rest, I am unable to answer hardly any questions on Jeopardy. Frankly, I don't even understand some of the questions these days.
  
• My depression over both Rock of Love 2 and Real Housewives of New York City ending is abnormal and should be concerning to those around me.
• My anxiety over Big Brother ending this week is also concerning.
• My teenage neighbor and her friend seem to cut class every single day, and they play music really loud and it irritates me.
  
• I think Kelly Ripa and I would get along great and have a lot of fun together.
• I've developed a hatred for Elizabeth (the blond) on the View.
  
• I'm suffocating my cat with attention because we don't have anything else to do.
• My cat seems jealous of the laptop and I'm concerned about how it's going to affect us.
• As appealing as it has sounded in the past (especially when my alarm goes off), I don't think I could just not work. I need some kind of mental stimulation outside the home.

Update

The latest and greatest from the land of bed rest...

We made it to twenty weeks on Sunday! Halfway there, although realistically for us, we're more than halfway there. And Mama is gettin' big. Hence the full panel skirt in the belly pic. Jeez.

The good news is the cervix is holding stable at 2.8. Not a great length for 20 weeks, but no change since last ultrasound a little over a week ago and that's all I could ask for. I'm on bed rest through the duration of the pregnancy, though, but...we ordered a laptop so I'll be back in the land of the living - soon. I have a ton of blog posts in my head but can't spend the time at the desktop to post them, so I'll probably overload the blog once the laptop arrives.

Last week was pretty hairy, I was really wound up about the cervix and then I started realizing that weird feeling wasn't the baby rolling around but actually contractions. I tested positive for Group B Strep, not normally an issue until you deliver, but since I was symptomatic I started antibiotics for it. It's helped the contractions and cramping quite a bit. I still have a lot more than I'm comfortable with, but they are far less frequent (from several an hour to several a day) and much less intense. At this point, there isn't anything that can be done to stop them, medication won't work this early (and my doc won't administer it unless I am dilating, which I am not) and the monitors won't even pick up most contractions. They think I may have an irritable uterus on top of everything else. Polyps, short cervix, irritable uterus...oh, my.

I'm really happy with my doctor and how she has agreed to monitor and treat me, and I feel with my twice weekly appointments, weekly ultrasounds and bed rest, we're doing all we can to keep our little girl safe and inside for as long as possible.

Majority was right!

It's aGIRL! A perfect, beautiful baby girl. Everything is wonderful with our daughter.

Mom, on the other hand, needs some help. My cervix has shortened a little too much (down to 2.8 cm, from 3.7 six weeks prior...a big jump and not a good number) so I'll be on bedrest for now. We'll evaluate next week. So this may be my last post for a while since I don't have a laptop and I'll be following all instructions to keep pressure of my cervix, which includes sitting at the computer. Gotta do everything I can to keep our little girl safe.

Let's Talk About Sex

Or gender, I should say.
In just a matter of days, we have our “big”, level II ultrasound. Obviously, first and foremost, we are hoping for a healthy baby so far, and that’s why I’m most anxious about. But as a bonus, we will hopefully find out the sex.

From day 1, the minute we got the positive beta, I have said boy. Hands down, without a doubt, boy. A few weeks ago I would have been absolutely stunned if I was wrong. It was that strong a feeling. But now, and for the last couple weeks…eh, I’m not so sure. Right now, I don’t really know.

So what’s a girl to do? Turn to the Old Wive’s Tales, of course! But even those are hardly clear.

1) If you carry high, it’s a girl. Low, it’s a boy. I think it’s low, so that would be BOY
2) If the heartbeat is under 140 bpm, it’s a boy. If it is over 140 bpm, it’s a girl. Well, we’ve only had it tracked twice. Once was 150 bpm, the other time was 173bpm. So I guess, GIRL.
3) Tie your wedding ring to a string and dangle it over your belly. If it swings back and forth, it’s a boy. If it goes in circles, it’s a girl. You can also do this holding the string over your open palm. I did both and both were circles…GIRL.
4) Chinese Gender Chart (http://parenting.ivillage.com/ttc/ttcsigns/0,,j736,00.html ) Some say this is correct 90% of the time. This one is easy, BOY
5) If you have acne during pregnancy, it’s a girl. If you don’t, it’s a boy. No pimples here, BOY
6) If you have morning sickness, you’re having a girl. If you don’t, you’re having a boy. I had really mild morning sickness at night, nothing I would really even call morning sickness. So I’ll go with BOY on that one.
7) If your breasts have gotten bigger, you’re having a girl! If they’ve stayed the same, it’s a boy. Oh lordy, then it’s definitely a GIRL with the size of these things.
8) If your left breast is bigger than the right, you’re having a girl. If the right breast is bigger than the left, it’s a boy. I think they’re pretty much neck and neck (or boob and boob?) but I was just commenting this week that my left boob seems bigger…GIRL
9) If your urine is neon yellow, it’s a boy. If it’s a dull yellow, it’s a girl. Um, GIRL. And I don’t like talking about my urine.
10) If you’re hair on your legs grows faster, it’s a girl. If it stays the same, it’s a boy. I can’t stand stubble so I shave daily no matter what, but I haven’t noticed any kind of sudden overgrowth on my legs. BOY. Now, if we’re talking about the sudden development of fur on my stomach…that’s a different story.
11) If the dad to be is gaining weight with you, it’s a boy. If he stays the same, it’s a girl. I should check with Chris to be sure, but I’m going to say GIRL.
12) If you have headaches, you’re having a boy. If you don’t, it’s a girl. Huh, I would have thought this would be the other way around. BOY.
13) Girls steal your beauty. If you look better than before, it’s a boy. If you don’t, it’s a girl. All I can say is people say I look good. I however, have already noticed the Tori Spelling pregnancy fat face starting. But since my OB said I looked good and it might be a boy, we’ll say BOY.
14) If your feet are colder than usual, it’s a boy. If they’re the same, it’s a girl. GIRL.

The results? 14 questions. 7 boy. 7 girl. 50% chance of either one. Didn’t help much, did it? What do you think??

Doppler: Friend or Foe?

Up until yesterday, that was an easy question. FRIEND! All the way! BFF, in fact. Despite the horror stories about dopplers and freaking out if you can't hear the heartbeat, we've been fortunate. We've never looked more than a few seconds, and actually I got so good that I would just place the doppler on my belly where I figured Viver was hanging out and voila! woosh, woosh, woosh.

It was so predictable. I even smugly smirked at my doctor when she used the doppler the first time. She was roaming all over and I wanted to say, "He's right here." And I would be right.

But yesterday, doppler became a temporary foe.

I found the woosh, woosh, woosh right away. We smiled at each other. But then it seemed pretty slow. Like really slow, actually.

Me: "Um, does that seem slow to you?"
Chris: "Ummm, maybe a little bit!"

Neither one of us wanted to over-react but we were both clearly starting to panic on the inside.

Me: "How about you count the beats and we can figure out what the beats per minute is? I mean, it's going to be different, it's not always going to be the same rate."
Chris: "Ok, I got 84."

GULP.

Me: "Well, that must be me, I guess. It's not Viver."
Chris: silence.

I wander all around with the microphone, concentrating on the side where he always is. Nothing but me. On a whim, I try the other side. Now I'm frantically moving the doppler around, too fast to catch anything anyway. Then suddenly, Chris says "Wait, there was something there. Go back".

Low and behold, there he was. Beating away with his normal woosh, woosh, woosh rhythm. But just for a second, then he would roll away. I chased him but could only hear it for a couple seconds at a time. I think he's moving away from the doppler these days. Trouble maker.

Thankfully we were able to find it and got the reassurance we needed, so doppler went back to friend status. I just learned my lesson...I do not rule the doppler. Apparently, Viver is now ruling the doppler.

Oh, and for those of you (you know who you are) that are thinking this confirms your feelings on why we shouldn't have a doppler, don't go there. One brief moment of panic is nothing compared to how many times we've been reassured and been able to sleep because we did hear the heartbeat. I've said it a hundred times...the doppler can't make me any more crazy than I already am. Maybe it's not a good idea for sane people...but I'm not part of that group.

OK, I'll admit it.

It was time to tell my boss that I'm pregnant.

And I will now admit I probably wasn't fooling quite as many people as I thought I was.

Frankly, if I had it my way I wouldn't tell anyone until, well...I gave birth. It makes me incredibly nervous. Family and friends are one thing, but co-workers are a whole other cup of tea. I hadn't told anyone at work I was pregnant last time, and I was so glad about that when I returned after my miscarriage. So being "out" takes things to a whole new level for me, and it's one I'm not totally comfortable with. But my belly had other ideas and I couldn't hide it much longer. If I was even hiding it at all. I have a feeling some people figured it out already...despite me thinking I was so very sly with my "hunch over and run" move I used if I encountered people in the hall.