The verdict is in....

And....I'm pregnant! Okay, so I've known for a while. I caved and tested last week since I just suddenly had a feeling something was up, and to my surprise, my test 8dp3dt was clearly positive. Chris and I didn't fully believe it until we got confirmation from the clinic on Monday, Christmas Eve. Betas have been good, doubling nicely and all that good stuff:
9dp3dt/12dpo - 105
12dp3dt/15dpo - 380
Soooo....we're excited and also cautiously optimistic because we have been here before. Our first ultrasound is in a couple weeks.
Thanks, Santa!

Tick, tock.

Is it odd that this wait isn't really bothering me? It's the worst part for most IVF'ers - although, I'm going out on a limb and saying most IVF'ers don't have intramuscular stims and PIO and the suppositories...so perhaps my take on this is a touch skewed.

See, since my body has been such a colossal failure in terms of even responding to treatment, that part of any cycle is the worst for me. Waiting to see if I respond. The doctors are always so positive, because the fact is the vast majority of women will respond the drugs. My ovaries have an attitude problem, much like their bodily host I suppose, and have a tendency to rebel against any and all drugs. Even this time, I was on high dosages of different injections...the drugs my RE kept calling "the gooooood drugs", and my ovaries still managed to flip everyone off and run the other way.

Getting to the oh so dreaded "two week wait" is a huge accomplishment for me. In an entire year of treatment, I've really only had two, including this one. I always knew before hand that the cycle was fucked. Really, I could wait like this forever, if it wasn't for my self-imposed clean living that I guarantee will go out the window the very moment a negative beta is hurled at me.

But for now, I guess I'm content in this land of not knowing. Because not knowing means not knowing if it failed just as much as not knowing if I'm pregnant. And frankly, I'm ok with not knowing either right now.

I'm ready to be done.

I'm ready.

I'm ready to either go back to my pre-IVF life, or start my new pregnancy life. I'm ready for one or the other. I just want this waiting to be over. The not knowing and waiting is simply not healthy for an impatient OCD'er like myself.

I'm currently 7dp3dt. I feel pretty much nothing so I'm not optimistic. I have my weekly acupuncture on Friday, which should be interesting.. She knows too much and no doubt by then she'll have an inkling of which way this is going to go. Last weekend, she teased me by saying how pleased she was with all the activity in my uterus. Well, duh. When isn't it a party my in uterus? But she knows things. She knew my dud ovary was a dud with me not saying a word. She knew righty seemed to be doing her job. All this was confirmed via ultrasound and blood work, but she knew first. So on Friday should be interesting. She knows the progesterone I'm on will mask things but still...the woman knows things. I'm not sure she'll say anything at this point, though. Which will drive me nuts and probably affect her Christmas tip.

I'm a sucker.

I did it.

I ate two entire pineapples over the course of 4 days. Including the core. The icky, hard, sour and bitter core.

Why? Because there is an Old Wive's tale that the core of the pineapple contains some enzyme, I think it's called Bromelain, that aids in implantation. Since if an IVF fails it's because the embryo(s) didn't implant (they had quite a head start), I felt helping implantation was important. Also, I've noticed quite a few successful IVF'ers note they ate pineapple. So I went for it.

I've never, in the nearly two years we've been trying, fallen prey to the Old Wive's tales. I always figured if a crack whore can have 20 kids, that the things like sitting with your hips elevated after sex isn't necessarily going to help matters...and could very well be detrimental...bladder infection, anyone? Not to mention, I'm smart enough to figure out that standing on your head after sex will not increase your chance of pregnancy any more than jumping up and down after sex will decrease your chances.

But I ate the pineapple anyway. I like pineapple (er, I used to like pineapple). But I can't help but feel a little duped. I can't help but think there is some guy at Del Monte, sitting in his office, laughing his ass off as he tells the story that he made up this enzyme and posted it on the Internet saying it helped implantation and now all these crazy infertiles are eating tons of pineapple...they're making so much money off the desperate infertiles...ha ha ha!!!

Back to the small brown eggs...

Since I'm now 3dp3dt (this is infertility speak for 3 days past a 3 day transfer, or in fertile terms, means about 6 days past ovulation), and analyzing things...I had to google the small brown egg thing. It's just too odd not to. Now I wish I hadn't. What did google come up with when searching "small brown human female egg oocyte" (gotta cover all bases):

1) cockroaches
2) brown recluse spider
3) mutant

I'm clearly not a cockroach (Kafka? Huh?), nor a brown recluse spider, apparently, I am a mutant.

It just keeps getting better, doesn't it!?

The Grass is Always Greener

In terms of progesterone supplementation post IVF transfer (pretty much no matter what your protocol is, you'll be on progesterone), the grass seems to always be greener on the other side.

Those that endure the daily PIO shots - progesterone in oil shots which are intramuscular, a big needle and a thick substance that injects oh so very slowly - often would rather they had the suppositories.

Those that endure the suppositories - which are large, vaginal suppositories that have a tendency to leak quite a bit so you're prisoner to the panty liner for the entire time you're on them - often would rather have the shot and just get it over with.

What's my preference. Well. How about just one freaking progesterone supplementation method? I'll take either shots or suppositories. Because at this point, I get both. BOTH.

This year's Christmas Card

I have always wanted to do the photo-Christmas card. But I feel it's reserved for children. Sure, there's the occasional "Us and Our Pets!" card, but since we have one very camera shy cat, not to mention the very resistant husband, that's not going to happen.

Is this card inappropriate? I think it tells the story of our year and how we've spent the holidays so far.

Then there are the holiday letters. You know the ones, the one full typed page of crap people send? If you send them, I mean no offense, but I do think you're lying. No one's life is that great. No one's kid is that smart and just freaking fantastic. No one's jobs are that grand, and no one is getting a raise every month. And seriously, no one cares what new car you bought. If indeed your life is all sunshine and roses, it's really best to not advertise like that. People don't like braggers. Where are the truthful letters? Where people talk about how Bob lost his job and it nearly caused a divorce, or Jimmy got caught (again!) smoking pot at school and got expelled.

If we did a letter, it would be truthful. Who wouldn't want to receive this?

"Happy Holidays, Friends and Family!
We may not have spoken with many of you this year because we have been so gosh-darned busy with our fertility treatments. January started with us in the middle of our first treatment cycle, our first cycle on Clomid! Those hot flashes sure helped with the winter chill. We were so excited and hopeful, but alas, Katie ended up not responding at all to that silly drug! No worries, in February, we tried it again! This time the moodiness, hot flashes and night sweats were especially bad, but we persevered. But once again, Katie's defective body still didn't respond! In March we increased the dosage which meant...you guessed it, twice the side effects! Hey and guess what!? She ovulated for the first time ever! But poo, no pregnancy. Not all was lost though, Katie developed a nice big cyst from the cycle and had to take a break from meds in March. In April she was back on that Clomid horse, suffered through another month of debilitating side effects to find she once again didn't respond. Well, drats. How about a different drug!? OK! In May she tried Femara, and hey...the side effects weren't so bad. Her response was less than thrilling, but shock of shocks...in June we found out Katie was pregnant! June and July marked big milestones for us as we saw our baby's heartbeat twice, once early at 5.5 weeks (such an over-achiever! must take after her mom! ha!) and again at 7.5 weeks. Then August rolled around and WHOOPS! Looks like we spoke too soon! Katie miscarried at 12 weeks. September and October were spent recovering from the D&C with no anesthetic - both Chris and Katie needed recovery time since Chris was in the room the whole time and saw the whole procedure! Talk about a memory he'd like to erase! Katie also needed to seek therapy during this time because the miscarriage made her a little wackier than normal! But in October, we tried Femara one last time...and wouldn't you know it? Katie didn't respond AGAIN! By the end of October, we were meeting with our new clinic and RE and decided it was time for IVF/ICSI - and we were starting in November! November and December were a blur of shots, pills, appointments and well, no surprise to us, quite a few disappointments! By the end of December we were anxiously awaiting the final outcome of our IVF cycle, and....to be continued.